Where are your thoughts leading you? And why is it women spend more time knit picking their imperfections and never reflecting on their gifts? Most people have that “thing” that they like about themselves…their eyes, their hair, or legs. Choosing to reflect on our positives versus dwelling on the negative reframes our view of ourselves and can lift our outlook overall and ultimately our self-esteem. This falls somewhat under the category of “fake it until you make it.” By that I mean the things that plague us are still there, but we start to develop a new habit of focusing on the positive. Instead of spending our time beating ourselves up, instead we might choose to read a book that gives us new insights. Or perhaps we work out or look up a recipe to try a healthier version of our favorite comfort food.
Beating yourself up is exhausting and detrimental to your physical, mental and emotional health. So, really, why not show yourself a little compassion? This reminds me of a specific point I once heard from a speaker, Danelle Delgado: “speak to yourself as you would speak to a child (or someone you love).” But for many people, what we are really saying in our kindness to others is “do as I say, not as I do!” Love yourself, child, but you are going to hear me complain about my hips, my lack of money, and/or that I am stupid or unlovable.
What is worse is that there is often little to no truth in those mantras. I say mantras because we preach these things to ourselves more out of habit. This is the opposite of the fake it until you make it concept. If you tell yourself often and long enough that you are all flaws and have little worth, I guarantee with 100% accuracy you will believe it. And your choices and actions in life will line up behind this belief. You will buy something that hurts you financially just to prove yourself that you really are bad with money. You will buy and eat the entire bag of Doritos to prove to yourself that you have no willpower. Negative self-talk is like subconscious permission to sabotage yourself. You KNOW if you desire change you have to stop doing the same old thing!
But let’s jump back to the beginning. What if we chose to say OUT LOUD something nice to ourselves instead? What if we forced ourselves to write something that we love about our bodies and 3 things we are grateful for every single day? The negative thoughts are there, but you catch yourself, because you are conscious now of your self-talk. I bet you will scare yourself a little at first at the frequency of these negative thoughts. Yet, now you laugh and say “ok, maybe my butt is a little big but I have these great eyes to look into! Yes I do have great eyes!” This new acknowledgement changes the dynamic of your circumstances. Before, you were a victim, poor you, plagued with this huge butt born from your crappy genetics. With a focus on your gifts you reconnect with your power to choose or change your circumstances.
What is your legacy?
Why put in the effort to excavate this buried power? (After all, breaking habits is work!) This is the key to not only improving your circumstances and self-esteem, but also is your key to creating your legacy. You model for your children that they should love and respect themselves. You teach employees to show you and others respect. Friends no longer sit around trying to outdo each other’s flaws (You know the drill….”You think your butt is big? Look at all my chins!”) In genuine acceptance, we create a space to own our assets in a way that is not boastful. We create an environment to celebrate our successes. At some point we stopped doing this, afraid of seeming arrogant or lacking humility. Or maybe we tell ourselves the lie that there is no time to rest on our laurels. But we have taken it too far the other direction to the point of not owning well deserved compliments or uncovering what lead to the success. (Like when someone says your beautiful blouse brings out the color of your eyes…and you say “this old thing?!”)
Let’s GET REAL! There is a huge difference in acknowledging an asset versus unabated arrogance. Arrogance is not deserved. It crosses that line from having a gift to a shameless self-promotion. Most people would agree, that arrogance is usually a mask for insecurity. Why? Insecure people are not anchored- they don’t know what they value, they don’t know what gifts they have to offer the world. They feel empty inside so they scream “hey, look at my new car! I am important! This cost me a lot of money!”
Are you ready for some positive change in your life? Looking for some genuine momentum?
Then starting today, pay attention to that negative self-talk. Catch it in the moment. FORCE yourself to find its opposite so you can reframe the comment or situation in a positive light. Again, at first it may feel like you are “faking it” but it will get easier over time. Carve out time to understand what made a project successful – give yourself and others much deserved praise. Learn to treat yourself with love and compassion so you are modeling this for family, friends and coworkers. When you get that next compliment SAY THANK YOU and smile!
Get Connected!
Why not start now? Can you share one thing that you have reframed into the positive?! What is one of your gifts that you want to own today?
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