Everyone wants it, TV gurus are talking about it and the concept itself seems pretty main stream, but what on earth is work-life balance, really?!  How do you go after something that’s ill-defined and intangible?  If we can put some parameters on what work-life balance is and isn’t, we stand a better chance of creating it.

Let’s begin with what balance isn’t.  Myth one: balance is defined by time and allocating said time more or less equally among your responsibilities.  You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to divvy your time equally.  One of my favorite quotes sums this up beautifully “Don’t confuse symmetry with balance,” (Tom Robbins, from Even Cowgirls Get the Blues).  There will be times where areas of our life require intense focus. Myth two: having work-life balance means not having stress.  If the first myth is defined by temporal stress, the second is characterized by emotional stress.  Hitting the highs and lows of life is the “normal” condition of being human! The alternative is a flat line and that’s when the machines are turned off and folks are sent over to the morgue.  No thanks!

Balance, then, is defined by recognizing, incorporating and applying intentional attention to the priorities in your life. 

Below are three concepts to create balance in your life and work: Clarity, Choice and Cravings.  Learn to manage the highs and lows, and the exhaustion from running to the people and projects that demand your time.

Busy businesswoman talking on phone and holding baby in arms

People with jobs, kids and other responsibilities generally move at break neck speed.  We are rushing to work, rushing through our day only to rush home to cook, clean and rush kids off to soccer practice.  Any person in this situation would feel pulled in a 1000 difference directions.  Sound familiar?  In this state, we lose sight of what and who are priorities – we need CLARITY to refocus our attention on what’s important.

If I asked what your priorities are, might you respond with family, church, and career.  It’s a good start, but it’s too generic.  Have you ever run a really stale yellow light, with a little red thrown in, to get your family to church on time?  When did being on time to church trump the safety of your family?  I am guessing “on time” doesn’t leap frog “safety” if we sat down and discussed it, and I am also guessing you are feeling pangs of guilt because you’ve done a time or two.  (Hey, right there with you!)

Some Necessary Homework

Write down everything that is on your plate.  Seriously! Pen and pad time.  Now determine what is truly important and why it is on your plate.  While it might be difficult, you must prioritize these things 1 through 100.  Without conscious thought, you run the risk of treating all these items with equal importance.  Do the bottom 25 look less important?  Cross them off the list!

Why is it important to have your kids on a sports team?  Let’s say your answer is to “learn teamwork.”  Can they still learn teamwork if they are 3 minutes late?  What if they need to miss a game to attend their grandpa’s birthday?

Close-up portrait of dreaming and planing girl looking up into tThis leads me to CHOICE, the second C needed for balance.  When you are clear on your priorities, you can make a proactive decision based off your value system (You could substitute the word choice for CONTROL.)  In the example above, you realize you value family and the special memories created during events like birthday celebrations and that this takes precedence over the teamwork lessons.  Without awareness of what you value and hold as a priority, that decision could stress you out as they could be viewed equally.

Another benefit of making choices based on priorities is that we are no longer the victim of our circumstance.  Feeling out of control is a hallmark characteristic of feeling imbalanced.  You feel dis-empowered as you react to what life throws at you.  On the flip side, even a choice around doing the laundry or grocery shopping is still you choosing how to control your time.  Proactive choices shift your mindset into a positive frame.

The Fun Begins

The final C is for CRAVINGS because we all have them but rarely listen to them.  Ever said you’d give anything for an hour to just lounge on the beach or take a hot bath?  Have you looked at your kids as you are rushing out the door…again…and you felt a yearning for time to reconnect with them?

Having this awareness of what you are craving is a huge step to recapturing balance.  You know what is important!  You have the power to choose what you put on your plate.  Now is the time to listen to that voice that says you’re too far off center from what feels good.  Your date nights with your spouse went from weekly to monthly to every three months.  Now you feel the distance and strain creeping into the relationship.  With that awareness, you make it a priority to get a date night scheduled.

All of this is predicated on slowing down long enough to re-calibrate on what is important. Notice where you are lacking and then make a choice to create what you need.  It’s not that we don’t know HOW to do these things.  More so, we slipped into the habit of not listening to that inner voice.  Over the next week give yourself two minutes two times a day to check in.  Identify one thing to help you feel more balanced and schedule it!

Share in he comments below any new awareness you have and what shifts you would desire to make.Get Connected!